I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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