Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
