The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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