there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
