we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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