if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
