Just cropdusted the office
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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