So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
