Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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