dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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