"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize