So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
