It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
