are you so shy because you have an std?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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