I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
