You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
