Don't make out with my wife yet
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
