I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
