Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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