either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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