Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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