Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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