He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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