Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dicks are not precious.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
