wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
