Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
