Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
