coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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