sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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