He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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