i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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