shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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