my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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