My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
