she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
