In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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