Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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