the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
