Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
