Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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