As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
