her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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