soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He shit in the fireplace
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
