My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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