Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
