I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
