So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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