My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
