A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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