And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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