I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize