You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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