i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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