When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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