you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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