i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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