They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
