Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
