Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
