Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
