He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
