your room smells of hookers.
And success
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
