You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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