How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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