i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
