Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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