Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
