Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
