I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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