i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize