The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
