my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
