Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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