If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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