he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
