Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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