i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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