Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
