One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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